Comfort During a Crisis of Faith
The following is shared with permission from a mother and member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
I have been struggling with a faith crisis for the past few years. I know many adults who are dealing with the same struggles.
Last April I was really struggling, and many of the talks in General Conference seemed to be directed to me, clarifying doctrine and strengthening my testimony of the Savior. I hope to share some of the things I have learned by studying these talks over the past year.
The Heavy Responsibility to Set Children on Covenant Path
“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not depart from it.” -Proverbs 22:6
When I became a parent, I felt a heavy responsibility to set my children on the covenant path and make sure they followed Heavenly Father’s plan. Beginning in my teenage years, I noticed counsel to parents in nearly every General Conference.
My senior year of high school, President Benson told us that if we would read the Book of Mormon every day our families would:
“find greater power to resist temptation, the power to avoid deception, and the power to stay on the strait and narrow path”
Benson, President Ezra T. “The Book of Mormon—Keystone of Our Religion.” October General Conference, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
When I was pregnant with my first child, the First Presidency proclaimed that:
“Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness…to teach them to love and serve one another, [and] to observe the commandments of God. [Parents] will be held accountable before God for the discharge of these obligations”.
(1995, September 25). The Family: A Proclamation to the World, [General Relief Society Meeting].
When I was pregnant with my last child, Elder M. Russell Ballard reminded us that in order to protect and strengthen our homes and families we had to:
“be consistent in holding daily family prayer and weekly family home evening”.
Ballard, M. Russell. “What Matters Most Is What Lasts Longest.” Saturday Afternoon Session General Conference, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
As a young mother, I interpreted all this instruction to mean that it was my responsibility to save my children. That if I would do all these things, my children would be inoculated from temptation and threats to their testimonies.
So we held weekly family home evening and had family prayer and scripture study nearly every night. My girls went to Sunday meetings and weekday activities. They attended seminary. We made sure they attended girls camps and treks and youth conferences and EFY. We taught them the scriptures and tried to help them learn to feel the Spirit in every way we knew how.
I assumed that Heavenly Father’s plan for them was the same as it had been for me: attend church, graduate from seminary, go to BYU, get married in the temple, have children, then the cycle would begin again.
Five years ago, in 2018, I thought my plan, which was surely the same as Heavenly Father’s plan, was succeeding. My oldest went to the U, but she served a mission and married in the temple. Another was at BYU, and the three left at home were attending church and seminary and Young Women. I was nearly halfway there, and it appeared that “The Plan” was working as promised!
However, over the last few years, as my children have faced increasing threats to their testimonies and some have stopped attending church, I have felt betrayed. Didn’t President Benson promise that my children would be protected with power to resist temptation and deception and to stay on the strait and narrow path?
I approached last April’s General Conference with a heavy heart and sense of betrayal. A third child had just informed me she was struggling with her testimony. I began conference asking the same question addressed by Elder Adrián Ochoa in the Saturday afternoon session:
“Is the Plan Working?”
Ochoa, Adrián . “Is the Plan Working?” Saturday Morning Session General Conference, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
In my mind, I feared it was not. I prayed to know what I could do to bring my children back. Preferably immediately. Answers came in the Sunday morning session of conference. But the answers that came were not what I expected.
Lesson 1: I Can’t Earn My Children’s Way to Heaven.
On Sunday morning, Elder Christofferson said:
“Some misunderstand the promises of God to mean that obedience to Him yields specific outcomes on a fixed schedule. They might think, “If I diligently serve a full-time mission, God will bless me with a happy marriage and children” or “If I refrain from doing schoolwork on the Sabbath, God will bless me with good grades” or “If I pay tithing, God will bless me with that job I’ve been wanting.” If life doesn’t fall out precisely this way or according to an expected timetable, they may feel betrayed by God. But things are not so mechanical in the divine economy. We ought not to think of God’s plan as a cosmic vending machine where we select a desired blessing, insert the required sum of good works, and the order is promptly delivered.”
Christofferson, D. Todd. “Our Relationship with God.” April General Conference, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
I’m sure I had heard similar teachings before, but this time it struck deep into my heart. This time I was ready to hear it, and I needed to hear it. In an earlier General Conference (April 2015), Elder Uchtdorf taught:
“We cannot earn our way into heaven; salvation isn’t bought with the currency of obedience; it is purchased by the blood of the Son of God.”
Uchtdorf, Dieter F. “The Gift of Grace.” April 2015 General Conference, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
I knew this. I knew that I couldn’t earn my own way to heaven. But for some reason, I thought my obedience could earn my children’s way to heaven. The more I studied this talk and others, the more I realized that I had been duped by Satan’s lie that my children didn’t need a Savior as long as I was a perfect parent. Elder Christofferson’s talk helped me begin to understand that all the work to protect them from temptation and deception and to shore up their testimonies does not guarantee they will stay on the covenant path. I know that we all need the Savior. This truth brings me profound relief.
It isn’t my job to save myself or my children. That is the Savior’s work and he is doing it perfectly. It is HIS work and HIS glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man. He has a plan for each of my children. It may look different than His plan for me. I need to trust in His plan, not my plan. And He does keep His promises to protect and strengthen our families.
Elder Christofferson taught:
“God will indeed honor His covenants and promises to each of us. We need not worry about that. The atoning power of Jesus Christ—who descended below all things and then ascended on high and who possesses all power in heaven and in earth—ensures that God can and will fulfill His promises. It is essential that we honor and obey His laws, but not every blessing predicated on obedience to law is shaped, designed, and timed according to our expectations. We do our best but must leave to Him the management of blessings, both temporal and spiritual… Our repentance and obedience, our service and sacrifices do matter. But it is not so much because of some tally kept in celestial account books. These things matter because they engage us in God’s work and are the means by which we collaborate with Him in our own transformation from natural man to saint.“
Christofferson, D. Todd. “Our Relationship with God.” The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. April 2022 General Conference.
Lesson 2: Waiting Upon The Lord Can Be a Sacred Place.
A second lesson I learned was from Sister Amy Wright, who spoke immediately following Elder Christofferson. She taught:
“Oftentimes we can find ourselves, patiently—or sometimes impatiently—“wait[ing] upon the Lord.” Waiting to be healed physically or emotionally. Waiting for answers that penetrate the deepest part of our hearts. Waiting for a miracle.”
Wright, Amy. “Christ Heals That Which Is Broken.” April General Conference, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
Remember that my prayer going into conference was for immediate results. I knew this wasn’t realistic, but I didn’t anticipate learning lessons about the importance of waiting.
Sister Wright continued:
“Waiting upon the Lord can be a sacred place—a place of polishing and refining where we can come to know the Savior in a deeply personal way. Waiting upon the Lord may also be a place where we find ourselves asking, “O God, where art thou?”—a place where spiritual perseverance requires us to exercise faith in Christ by intentionally choosing Him again and again and again.”
Wright, Amy. “Christ Heals That Which Is Broken.” April General Conference, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
I have given this concept a lot of thought over the last year. Learning to trust the Lord, trust His plan for my children, and trust in His timing, has required a lot of effort on my part. I wish it were as simple as making the choice one time to believe, then being filled with peace for the rest of my days, willing to wait upon the Lord’s timing to bring my children back into the fold. But it has not been that way for me. Some days it has felt easier to give in to hopelessness and despair, to give up because the plan isn’t working. It has required great effort and spiritual perseverance to exercise faith and maintain hope in Heavenly Father’s plan when I’m not seeing the results. Every day that I choose hope over despair, I am choosing Him. Again and again and again. This struggle has brought me closer to God. It has made me turn to Him through prayer, it has focused my scripture study, it has turned me to the temple. Most of all, it has made me immensely grateful for the atonement of Jesus Christ. I am so grateful to know that He loves my children and that He gave His life for them. Learning to wait upon the Lord has become a sacred place for me. Over the past year, this crisis of faith has become a refining experience. Studying these General Conference talks and focusing my gospel study has deepened my understanding of doctrine and strengthened my faith. I am learning line upon line, precept upon precept, and I am looking forward to General Conference again to add to my learning and my testimony.
Lesson 3: My Children Need to Experience the Complexities of Life to Strengthen Their Own Faith.
A third talk that gave me hope was by Elder Larry Kacher, “The Ladder of Faith.” This talk did not reach me during General Conference, but as I studied it over the next few months, it taught me powerfully. Elder Kacher taught that the Lord allows the complexities of life to help us turn to Him. He taught:
“There is simplicity on the other side of life’s complexities.”
Elder Larry S. Kacher, “Ladder of Faith.” April General Conference, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
I have grown through this trial of my faith. In my puny wisdom I want to spare my children from the trials of life. But would I deny my children this same growth? In God’s mighty wisdom, He has a path for each of us, and each path has stumbling blocks to challenge us and become stepping stones in our own ladder of faith. Elder Kacher reminds us:
“Our progression is an eternal one.”
Elder Larry S. Kacher, “Ladder of Faith.” April General Conference, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.
My children’s story is not over. God’s plan for them will unfold over eternity, and I need to have faith in His plan and trust in His purpose. He is mighty to save. I am finding hope in another verse from Proverbs:
“Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.” -Proverbs 3:5-6
I am sure there are others reading this who are experiencing their own crisis of faith. It may be similar to mine, or you may struggle with different questions. May I suggest that you take your concerns to the Lord before General Conference. Put in the effort to Hear Him, then trust Him to teach you what you need to hear. I know that He loves us and He has the power to save us and to save our children.